Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Missing Girl

Have you seen this girl?
She went missing around 1997.
Strawberry blonde hair, green eyes, 5'5",  135 lbs.
Anybody? Anybody?

Apparently, she got lost in "Food is Fun and Doesn't Affect My Body and/or Health" Land and this "beast"

found her and swallowed her up. Tragic story.

She was a nice girl. Fairly smart, good sense of humor, exercised almost every day and definitely monitored her food intake. She felt good in her skin.

Why, you might ask, would she choose to drop those habits and become a big lardo? The answer is not simple nor is it even fully understood. She might blame college, stress, a busy schedule, relationship failure, self-pity, or even a profound love of food. However, the bottom line is that she got lazy and has been in denial ever since. Food was easy to be addicted to because its legal, it doesn't have to cost that much, and it's everywhere!

Something to celebrate? Let's eat!
Loss of a loved one? Bring a casserole, please!

She attempted to escape the "beast" several times. Her methods included, but were not limited to, Phen-Phen (sp?), Weight Watchers, L.A. Weightloss, Atkins, Ideal Protein, Nutri-System, numerous OTC diet pills, and various gym memberships. Her diet book collection is extensive. And they all worked! For a while. And then she got lazy again and gained all of her weight back plus some extras for good measure. Slowly but surely, food was chipping away from her life expectancy. Her BMI was on the rise. Along with her waist circumference.

Luckily,she had a doctor's appointment on Monday, March 21st where she got some breaking news. Her doctor said..........

Are you ready for this?

I'm about to say it.

It's shocking.

It's Earth-shattering.

But here it goes.

And I quote.

"Kelly, you are overweight. You HAVE to lose the weight."

She knew this. She had known it for a long time. But for some reason when it came out of her doctor's mouth (the same doctor who delivered her son and who helped her through a miscarriage) something clicked. Suddenly, losing weight wasn't just a good suggestion. It was imperative. It was resolved. It was   is going to happen.

I haven't seen her yet but I "heard tell" of her getting her big butt out of bed at 5:00 this morning, lacing up her tennis shoes for a brisk walk and giving a crap about what she ate (or didn't eat) today. It'll be a while before we find her. She won't be perfect. She will, most likely, never return to the size she was. But she will make an effort and try her best because there is not one food on this planet that is worth one more second of her obese life.

To Be Continued.........


  1. Kelly!!! You are so funny!! I cant wait to hear all about this! I need to find "my thinner" self too.

  2. Thanks Stacey! It isn't going to be fun, but it is going to be necessary.

  3. I can RELATE!!! I didn't even last a month after the doctor told me I HAD to lose weight before I was ordering those Route 44 Dr. Peppers again! But let my daughter get engaged and set a wedding date and now that is some INCENTIVE! I am on the "Hot Mama" Diet! Jan 15th I said Goodbye to my best friend, Mr. DP and welcomed my new friend
    "Sugar Free Koolaid!" Call me girl and we will walk away those pounds!