Friday, March 25, 2011

Fat People Math

As a teacher, it is my civic duty and moral obligation to educate minds when appropriate.
Welcome to my virtual classroom!
Today’s lesson is entitled, Fat People Math.
Are your pencils sharpened? Got a calculator handy? No worries, you don’t have to show your work. Now, get your Trapper Keeper out of your book satchel and get out a piece of paper.
(Ok, that was for all you kids of the 80’s. Why don’t they make Trapper Keepers anymore and when did we exchange the workd backpack for book satchel?)
Moving on.
Your first assignment is a word problem. Your job is to take out the name and numbers mentioned here and insert your name and numbers. ***Note: I have changed the identity of the people in the word problem so you’ll never guess who it is.
1.       There once was an 18 year old girl named Shelly. She was proud of her weight at 135 lbs.  Unfortunately, Shelly encountered a witch who cast a spell on her and made her lazy and apathetic. Luckily, there was a wizard who lived at the Woman’s Clinic who, when he saw that Shelly weighed 225 lbs., was able to chant the magic words “LOSE SOME WEIGHT” and break the 14 year spell. If Shelly has a 6 year old son (named Nash) that will graduate high school when he is 18 years old, how much will Shelly weigh when she has to waddle to her seat at her son’s graduation if she doesn’t adhere to the wise wizard’s warning?
Answer: 302 lbs.  (WHAT??? That can’t be right. Let’s work this out.)
Answer explained:
Shelly essentially gained 90 pounds in 14 years. 
90lbs. ÷  14 years = an average weight gain of 6.43 lbs. per year
Now, if someone told me that they gained 6 pounds this year, I wouldn’t be that alarmed. However, over the span of 14 years it really adds up.
Next, it will be 12 years until Nash graduates from high school.  If Shelly continues to gain 6.43 lbs. per year for the next 12 years….. 6.43 lbs per year x 12 years = 302 lbs.
WHOA, Shelly! You may not even make it to that graduation after all!
Now it’s your turn. How much will you weigh if you keep on putting yourself last and displaying out of control behavior?
Pick an event in the future and do the math. It may hurt your feelings but it may also save your life.
Poor Shelly.
I sure am glad I’m not her. (wink, wink)

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